For more than eight years, I have been searching for answers.
The journey began with questions about my family, my father's death, probate issues, and events that never seemed to make sense. Along the way, I lost people who might have helped explain what happened. My father is gone. My brother is gone. Other family members are gone.
Sometimes I feel caught between two worlds.
One part of me still believes there are truths that deserve to be known. I believe there were things that were not right, and there are days when I still want answers.
The other part of me is tired.
Not tired of the truth. Not tired of standing up for myself.
Tired of carrying the weight.
For years I thought that healing would come when I finally found every answer. What I am beginning to understand is that healing may also require forgiveness. Not forgiveness because what happened was acceptable, and not forgiveness because I am giving up.
Forgiveness because I want my future to be about more than my pain.
I am not closing the book on my life. I am writing a new chapter.
I still care about the truth. I still care about justice. But I also care about my peace of mind, my health, my relationships, and the years I still have ahead of me.
My memoir is called Trauma Reboot Recovery because recovery is what I am searching for.
I am not finished.
I am not surrendering.
I am learning that seeking peace and seeking truth can exist side by side.
Sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is continue moving forward while carrying unanswered questions.
And that is where I am today.
I am still here.
